The most popular rail against women who choose to go into sex work is the use of shaming tactics. Whether it’s through judgement disguised as a compliment such as: You’re better than this. Or more overt insults like: You’re nothing more than a prostitute, this is the easy way out. The moment a woman makes the decision to use her body for her own monetary gain the judgement is instantaneous. Why is it OK for men in suits to exploit a woman’s youth, beauty, and body to sell products, but not for a woman to profit off of her own looks?

Well, in order for patriarchy to remain in tact, women must have as little autonomy as possible.

Trust me, I know first hand that it is not easy being a sugar baby. As sweet as as my past daddies were, I could think of a million things I would rather be doing than getting felt up by men 40 years my senior while we watched netflix and drank wine. There’s nothing quite as annoying as realizing you have all this potential and intelligence, but because you have no money you have to spend a day stroking the ego (among other things) of a grandfather of three.

Sugaring along with any other form of sex work does not define who a woman is. You can be intelligent, savvy, hard working, goal oriented, etc. and still use your looks to make money.

Don’t listen to what people say about strippers, sugar babies, cam models, etc. So long as when you look in the mirror you still love and respect the person staring back at you, then that’s all that matters. If what you’re doing does not conflict with your personal set of morals then do you. If you’re not hurting yourself, the people around you, or the environment, do you.

Sugaring is quick and easy money, and can be a lucrative hustle if you play your cards right. The men and women you meet doing this are often genuinely nice people who have made their money, and now they just want to sit back and enjoy themselves with a PYT. If you play it right, they will put you put you on in their businesses. Just like with any job, and yes I do consider sugaring a job, you get out of it what you put into it. Also like any job, you can quit.

No woman deserves to be made to feel bad about herself for choosing to go into sex work. You determine your worth. Not your job, not society, not your clients, not your sugar daddy, not your spouse, not your family, and not your friends. You do.

So, to my women, and men, in sex work, remember that you are valuable and worthy of respect. Protect yourself both physically and mentally. The only person that can make you feel shame about yourself is you.